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Dating
Feb 10, 2009 14:59:38 GMT 12
Post by patches08 on Feb 10, 2009 14:59:38 GMT 12
Okay so I was just thinking about this whilst talking to my sister, chelsea. And we struck up a debate. The bible mentions about dating being between male and female, and that as tenagers itd be better to date in groups.
The debate I struck up with my sister is, why is it so important to date another christian when you find such a great person who has almost the same morals as a christian but isnt christian?
I am aware many people say that a relationship between two christians is important because you are able to support each other in our walk of faith towards god. But should that stop you from being with a person who could really be a close companion?
let me know what you guys and gals think. feel free to bring up other aspects of dating as well in here.
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victrosity
New Member
" I just want you to know who I AM "
Posts: 36
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Dating
Feb 10, 2009 17:53:29 GMT 12
Post by victrosity on Feb 10, 2009 17:53:29 GMT 12
well this is a good question, so why go for christian guys and girls in terms of relationship rather than non-christians.
to a christian we would like to define ourselves as christs followers or christs deciples this understanding ultimately shapes who we are, what we want to do in life, our standards, viewpoints, and morallity.
now a person who is not following christ does not neccessary lack these qualities and the fact is that many have these just as well as christians do. The issue lies in what drives them to do and act and behave as they do.
you might persue a job that doesnt pay much so that you are in the lower class of society but this is where you feel you are blessing other people and forfilling gods will for you. now to a christian this situation would be understandable and manageable to work around though it may be though. but if the person your going out with does not have the focus point of their life being more than about themselves and they want to live for themselves and in their own way then this situation would be a huge problem for you two as a couple. because this person will be more worried about you not being able to provide rather than supporting you and encouraging you in this humble decision to follow god in such a manner.
what im trying to convey in this example is you will find yourselves in many situations where you do somthing in light of gods will, that they do not agree with and so you dont have their support (as you need in a relationship) so rather than such such situations bringing you closer to your partner its a friction a grind stone that works against you. so it surguests that you look for people with the same beliefs so because they will govern your lifestyle, job, relationships, prioities...... and a person who isnt in the same mind frame do what they want or think is best for themselves rather than other people.
HOWEVER with that said i know of several couples that go out where one is christian and the other is not, and i dont think you can go out with someone and stay true to your faith and not have an impact on your partner who doesnt have a relationship with god.
but if you choose this path then i believe it will be harder in the long run, could end up with you straying from your commitment in your relaitonship with god (rather than your partner bringing you into deeper relationship with god), could result in seperation because of disagrements or un-unitified values.
so thats my wisdom but there is no way that you shouldnt or couldnt be really colse friends, and that (that is friendship in its fullest) can me just as meaningful as a "relationship" with them.
what is your ideas or comments or thoughts to this?
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Dating
Feb 10, 2009 20:26:20 GMT 12
Post by Christina on Feb 10, 2009 20:26:20 GMT 12
Hey, have a read of Deuteronomy 20 see how they disobedience of these laws caused Israel to fall repeatedly into Idolatry. It is a bit large scare and Old Testament but I think it can still apply similarly in intensely emotional relationships with someone who doesn't follow Christ.
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Dating
Feb 10, 2009 22:13:58 GMT 12
Post by Jeremy S on Feb 10, 2009 22:13:58 GMT 12
Interesting questions in here, and some good thoughts from Victor and Christina. One little thing to point out though - the Bible is silent on the issue of dating, mainly cos dating has only really been around for the past hundred years. Before that, it was the good ol arranged marriage - but now we get to choose our partners. This may seem insignificant, but we have to ask ourselves - can we apply all the principles of marriage in the Bible to the ideas of dating? Be good to hear from Rich or Sam on this, but I'd tend to think we can't - marriage is a whole new level of intimacy from dating, and if we were to apply ideas such as, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Luke 16) the situation can get a bit messy..
My two cents on the issue - I think that our faith should answer some of the massive questions in life. Questions like: - What does it mean to be human? - What's wrong with the world? - What's the solution? - Who is God? - How should I relate to others?
I think that the Christian's answer to these questions would (or should) be wildly different to the answers that someone who doesn't believe in God and His redemption through Christ, almost to the point of incompatability. But, in truth - that theory often isn't true, and we often don't see such a distinction in terms of morals between the two. Is this a reflection on how 'good' that some people who don't know God are, or is it a reflection on how we have lost some of the ideas of holiness? I dunno.
Keep this talk alive, I'm off to the beach! Catch you all next week.
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kdubs
New Member
Posts: 33
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Dating
Feb 11, 2009 22:07:15 GMT 12
Post by kdubs on Feb 11, 2009 22:07:15 GMT 12
I can see a few problems with he Christian dating a Non-Christian. Although there are a few good points I can also argue against myself, so I will just put my experience of both sides in here. I went to a youth retreat at a Bible Camp in May '08 and it really gave me a whole new perspective, as the whole weekend was aimed at just this, relationships! While we had a few formal speakers what really got me into this and seeing a new light was the group discussion we had when we all had turns to talk, ask, listen and grow together. Of course being just out of a year relationship with a very awesome guy, although "non-Christian" (he believed in God but just was not following Jesus and was not motivated to get into anything having been baptized at birth, his family thought that was all you needed) I though I could use all the advice I could get so I jotted a few things down and thankfully, brought it to NZ. Here they are: - Don't look for the one,be the one.
- Dating is preparation for marriage, so don't go into a relationship not expecting in the end to be with them for the rest of your life. Take it very seriously.
- Date Christians. Give your heart to God and run toward him (as your main focus) and the person God intends you to be with must go to Him to get your heart, in that way you are both God-oriented making everything as it should be.
- Before you make it official and DATE them, sit down to talk about boundaries and expected behavior.
- If you have a crush on someone, don't idolize/fall over them because if you do date them, you will have made them someone different in your mind leading to disappointment and you'll be in a rough spot.
- You want to give your future partner (in marriage) the biggest, most whole heart you can, so don't let it get torn and broken over meaningless relationships that were never intended to go anywhere (or you saw no future in)
- In proverbs 4:23 it says "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life".
- Pray for your future partner, even though you may not know them.
- Write down perfection as you see it and what your heart desires, and God will deliver.
- Relationships take years, you have to know someone as a friend, usually, before you date and get serious.
Ya illustration time!! Check it out for my next point people. BTW as christians (on the chair, we are closer to God! See my hidden metaphor?!) OK checked it out? Explanation: if you are trying to get someone at our level with God, it is a heck of a lot harder than for someone to get you down and move away from that relationship. This is because if you are wanting to be in a relationship with a non-Christian, then you probably won't be talking about or chasing God together, meaning they are causing you to lose time with the most important relationship you'll ever have, with Jesus, which in turns tears you slowly away from what you were called to do as a Christian. feedback, questions, I got heaps more notes (for gals) and ideas.. but this took longer than expected to write and draw etc. so I'll stop now. cheers people! ;D
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Dating
Feb 12, 2009 2:38:02 GMT 12
Post by patches08 on Feb 12, 2009 2:38:02 GMT 12
okay fair enough I see where you are all coming from. pretty much saying its a bad idea to be more than friends with a person who isnt christian because you arent able to connect with the person when trying to support each other in christ.
i can understand wat your saying there victor but, there are people out there that have the same morals as christians and will support the people they love.
disagreements and un-unified values can break a relationship but there are always situations where if people are willing to work it out and agree on disagreeing then stuff like that wont matter because there are soo many more other issues that would break a relationship (believe me ive seen enough broken relationships to last me a lifetime).
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Dating
Feb 12, 2009 6:59:01 GMT 12
Post by Christina on Feb 12, 2009 6:59:01 GMT 12
To comment on something that Krystle said "Write down perfection as you see it and what your heart desires, and God will deliver." I actually disagree- partially. There's a lovely verse in Psalm 37:4 which says "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." The key part of this verse is not "desires of your heart" but to "delight in the Lord" because when we delight in the Lord our desires change to what his are.
God's sole intention is not being some not a great big cosmic matchmaker, so seek first his heart as he's who can give you the most unbelievable love in the way you need it. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to be in a relationship like that I'm just saying, get your priorities straight. Because then you'll start working through life in God's Time for you-Blissful.
And just to comment on what Courtney said "there are people out there that have the same morals as christians and will support the people they love." Sure they could support you to some extent but how whole hearted would it be in the end, and vice versa. When you need to talk about the points which Jeremy listed with them, do 'Good Morals" matter?
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kdubs
New Member
Posts: 33
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Dating
Feb 12, 2009 22:05:50 GMT 12
Post by kdubs on Feb 12, 2009 22:05:50 GMT 12
Yep I totally see what your both getting at. I've been in your position Courtney, and trust me, seeing the difference between a serious relationship with a non-christian and a relationship with a Christian.. there are just worlds of difference for the better in the latter. It is in the bible that you are meant to date christians. You may think you ahve found the one but unless they were just not sure and find themselves in Christ during that relationship, before marriage, then there is no point because it indicates there is someone God is preparing for you that is better suited to you and that you can be much happier with though you may not see it yourself.
And Christina I'm not saying this is all from me, this is what our group came up with that weekend with our few youth pastors and great leaders from our church. Although this is not all there is too it, there is a world of truth in that sentance. "Write down perfection, and God will bring it to you." I totally agree with, and am not trying to go against that passage. Explaining this I would have to say that if you write down and voice your goals, and work towards them then these become high standards but God delivers to the patient. And not only in the partner respect. My youth pastor back home had one beautiful girl at 19, then was pressured to get married to the father and he then walked out on them few months after never to be seen again, this was 8 years ago. Alone with a baby, only 20 years old at this point, not the best education but filled with ambition she found herself pretty stuck. After finding herself in God, (which she had never done before, as shown by poor choices of drinking, partying and the like) she started getting somewhere and support herself and a child and work full time. A huge part of this came from writing in journals. It's true that if you write things down it increases your success. Shoe has since been blessed with everything she has written down, God making it possible and opening doors. See the difference of just wanting things and actually writing them for you and God to help?
did anyone appreciate my immense drwaing skills?!!
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Dating
Feb 13, 2009 17:31:50 GMT 12
Post by patches08 on Feb 13, 2009 17:31:50 GMT 12
Hmmmm this word perfection.... it bothers me. the only perfection we find in life is in christ. no human in the world is perfect.
hmm I just realised the pun intended on that word "perfection" 1. seek the perfection of christ and be happy when he blesses you 2. look for qualities that you look for in a person, and you will be blessed when god gives you the person he has designed for you to be with. however in saying that, its alwys good to not set your expectations TOO high as theres a chance there isnt a person who matches those qualities.
anyway theres my blurb for the day, let me know if you disagree or agree on those
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Dating
Feb 14, 2009 17:49:30 GMT 12
Post by victa on Feb 14, 2009 17:49:30 GMT 12
i dont see a problem with setting your standards too high, christ set standards that were and are too high for humans in this world to reach. and the standards you set reflect your self worth are you not worth attaining the best boyfriend? of course you are!!! god makes humans and says they are very good.
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Dating
Feb 15, 2009 15:28:54 GMT 12
Post by victa on Feb 15, 2009 15:28:54 GMT 12
"attrated to people with a strong relationship with god.... not to people with loose morals"....so your not attrated to people who dont have a strong relationship with god, or are getting there but not there yet. what does a strong relationship with god look like....goes it vary with peoples varying personalities? is this not picking apart a persons personality or making a judgement on their relationship with god? based on how strong you think their relationship with god is
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victrosity
New Member
" I just want you to know who I AM "
Posts: 36
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Dating
Feb 15, 2009 17:35:09 GMT 12
Post by victrosity on Feb 15, 2009 17:35:09 GMT 12
hey guys ah dont worry about the above comment because it was in reply to a post that is now gone so it wont make sense to you lol sorry couldnt delete it as i signed on as a guest.
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Dating
Feb 15, 2009 23:37:26 GMT 12
Post by patches08 on Feb 15, 2009 23:37:26 GMT 12
hey hold up.. I put the words "too" in captials for a reason.. theres a level of having standards high but then theres tooo high. I thought a relationship was about being happy and getting along with someone of the opposite gender. with the emotional attachment of course... I find this subject more or less annoying because theres so much more to it for christians. morals and values.. etc etc.
but when it comes down to it, everyone is different, and theres a rather high chance a particular relationship wont work out because so many people give up or go loony (people ive met in the past). So I can see whyyou think its a good idea to have such high standards, but no one is perfect.
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gface
New Member
Posts: 7
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Dating
Feb 17, 2009 18:12:35 GMT 12
Post by gface on Feb 17, 2009 18:12:35 GMT 12
kdubs (I don’t actually no who anyone is on this because of your user-names, sorry) however i do have a question referring to your first comment (the one with the amazing picture in it) anyways when you said this: it interested me and I want to ask why? and what parts, I don’t want to sound like I’m challenging your opinion because if think its good you say that u disagree it just simply interests me why?
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kdubs
New Member
Posts: 33
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Dating
Feb 17, 2009 21:17:07 GMT 12
Post by kdubs on Feb 17, 2009 21:17:07 GMT 12
ha sweet no problem. of course i am Krystle.. if that does not make sense it is becasue my current relationship, which has come so so far, is like the deepest I've ever felt and I knew my last serious boyfriend (that got past the I like you stage of a few weeks) for like nearly 4 years now and we were best friends for a year before we dated, for another year, and it just came no where as close as what I have now. and im not just talking about me and him, im talking connecting witht heir relatives, friends, groups, every aspect of life that you come to mesh in with when your serious with someone. my last one was great, amazing, and I learned a lot about life and love (as much as one learns at 15) and now I have met, and become nearly and inseperable part of my "new family". my dad has even had the pleasure to meet and vacation with my newly aquired "family" and it just blew us all away how well we all just get along!! its like it was meant to be (sorry for probably sounding very corny) but its just amazing. anyways I highly disagreed because I had only knew/hung out with Dwain (the current) for maybe 3 weeks before we dated and met him once a few months prior to hanging out.. and its only been 3 months but man its farther and more serious that that year of steady relationship and best-friendship before that! its just that I can see things happen at different rates for everyone. sometime you just know when it's right from the start and there is no formula for dating someone.. its all about being open, trusting and taking the time to really get to know them.. which we spent SO much time in that 1st month....ya i could go on and on. sometimes you feel it.. and why waste time when I have so little in New Zealand... which by the way, it wont wnd when I leave... university for the both of us in Canada when this year is over!! God provides windows when there is no door in sight, you just have to trust and ignore statistics.
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